Altitude Begets Attitude
by Jake, the Magickman
October 2008

My name is Jake, and I am short. Short, probably 5' 7" early in the morning, before the day weighs too heavily on my diminutive frame.

In my fifties now, I always looked young. At age thirty, 21 year old women would brush me off, as too young for them, and I was regularly checked by the police for 18 year old curfews.

There was a saving grace to that, though. I was admitted to theaters for junior admission rates, and I could eat in restaurants at kid's meal rates.

Past the age of 30, however, appearing to be a child began to wear thin. Not only was I short, but skinny, as well. I tried grown-ups clothes, but even when I could find some that fit me, people would always ask if I borrowed my daddy's suit. It wasn't working.

Decades could pass, that I couldn't even get a date with an adult woman. It was pretty sad, but mostly my own fault, because I looked at the world from a child's viewpoint. I allowed short stature to characterize me as subadult.

Since I am a little bit slow, it took me quite a while to figure things out. Out in the world, I discerned, the absence of height meant the absence of respect. Like I mentioned, I am now in my fifties, and will definitely not be growing any taller.

Popular culture depicts short folks in a negative light. There was a record, "Short People," by Randy Newman, that was, I thought, a very obnoxious song. It seemed to summarize the nasty prejudice against shorter folks, also known as heightism.

This was a cunundrum, a puzzle, that had me stumped. I considered props. A stovepipe hat was ruled out, as was carrying around a box to stand on. I needed something more convincing.

A positive attitude works the best. But from where I stood, a positive attitude seemed out of reach. What finally helped me to achieve a positive attitude, and to add a few extra inches at the same time, was new footwear.

A short fellow in high heels, is a long standing joke, but I have to tell you that, for me at least, it worked. In my heelboots, I am a respectable 5' 10", and look at life from a whole new altitude.

Altitude begets attitude, is the idea I am running with here. Up at 5' 10", I see the world from a whole new perspective.

It was for many years, that I observed the distaff population gaining height, by donning high heeled footwear. I saw shorter women towering over me, in their heeled shoes. Finally, I had enough of that, and bought high heels of my own.

Taller in heels, I am now, and those extra few inches earn me new respect. Not only that, but now women approach me, to tell me how much they like my footwear.

It may be a cheap trick, a theatrical deception of stature. I gotta tell ya, though, that if it takes high heels to achieve my full height, then that is a cross I will bear.